I Get The Last Word
Motivated perception was on full display yesterday at my boss’s going away gathering. I say gathering because it didn’t feel like a party. Because of elevated COVID cases where I work in a retirement community, we had to wear masks. Normally we would do a lovely display of cheese and crackers, fruit, and perhaps serve wine to toast this larger-than-life human who truly made a significant impact during her 10.5 years with the company. (Math is important here. The total number of years worked was 13. I’ve been with the company 2.5 years. The remarks from the residents on what was, and what I observed during my time, didn’t add up.)
I am happy we were able to have a decorated cake, but sad it was cut into slices and prepackaged before the guest of honor and our residents arrived. With a little forethought, rolling the cake in on a cart, giving a small speech, and while residents were sharing stories, the cake could have been rolled away, cut, packaged, and brought back into the hall, and all would have been just as sweet as the cake. Next time… Forethought!
Before I write any further, it must be said my boss is the kindest, sweetest, warmest, and nurturing person you will ever meet. Not a taker, but a constant giver – always helping others rather than solely focusing on herself. She is always putting the needs of others before her own. We need more people like this in the world.
What we don’t need is people who are passive-aggressive. Sadly, this was my boss, too. On many occasions her talk was sugar with bitter undertones. The weekly criticisms of management and certain residents, and lack of accountability were stifling. She became increasingly paranoid, fearful she was going to lose her job. (I know what that looks and feels like because I remember feeling that way in my early 20’s. Many opportunities came my way, but my immaturity and insecurities got the better of the situation. Lucky me, during that time people were drifting into my life motivating me in ways I could not have imagined. They gave me my wings to fly, and for that I am eternally grateful.)
In addition to doing my current job, I had to be a babysitter for someone who was forgetful, sarcastic, and a procrastinator, often invoking the silent treatment, and all too often giving backhanded compliments. It wasn’t nice. I didn’t deserve that. What didn’t help matters were my snarky clapbacks.
During yesterday’s gathering, residents made a beeline toward me to ask questions and offer words of encouragement. However, some were mean and spiteful, but this contingent was small. (Note to self: Thicker armor required.)
I offer you a small sampling below…
Resident… “Are you going to be the next manager of the Programs and Special Events department? You can’t do that job!” Me… “Why can’t I do that job? I am currently the Assistant Manager. If I can manage multiple clinical research trials, I can manage our department just fine. Plus, I am a creative.”
Resident… “You’ve been waiting for this opportunity, haven’t you?” Me… “Hell, No!” (sarcasm)
Resident… “Things won’t be the same. It’s really sad. Best of luck to you, Paul.” Me… “Yes, things will change. Change is good. There will be improvements where needed. I appreciate the luck, but it’s not about luck. It’s about ability.”
Resident… “Everyone had this out for her. Management didn’t like her.” Me… “She chose to retire.”
Resident… “Paul, she deserved this party and much more.” Me… “Absolutely! Her creative genius is unsurpassable, but that is the artist in her. Management planned a bigger celebration, but our COVID protocol would not allow it.”
Many Residents… “Are you going to be the next Manager? I hope so.” Me… “We’ll see.”
Many Residents… “We liked you as a team.” Me… “Thank you. We had lots of awesome moments, and laughter. We had a decent run. It was good!”
Our small team – when it was good, it was wonderful, almost magical. When it was bad, it was miserable, but we quickly moved beyond the latter because the one thing we had in common was our residents. Both of us are equally devoted to their wellbeing. We care about bringing joy to their world. They feel like an extended family, and in many ways are.
