Reflecting (An Update) - 1 of 2

I am reflecting on the many residents who have died in the past five months here at the retirement community where I work. I want to say the number is more than 10, but I am thinking now of one person in particular.

All of these individuals have lived long lives. I don’t doubt all were “good deed doers.” It really is heartbreaking. We know there is an end for everyone. For me, I just wanted a little more time with them because I am greedy like that.

I finally got to see the wife of a gentlemen who really was a thoughtful man, a kindred spirit. He was easy to talk and laugh with, and really was one of the nicest people I have ever met. They complemented each other so well. They were 65 years married. Today in the parking lot at work we saw each other, and I got to share my condolences and gush over her husband, because everyone in the community respected him and adored them as a couple.

Hugs and tears were shared. Now she will journey alone... Or so I thought. This is the reality in this day and age. I love the community where I work because there are support systems in place. Residents are keen on looking out for each other. I marvel at their thoughtfulness and devotion. I appreciate when residents and management recognize workers who are equally distraught over a death, encouraging us to speak about it because many, if not all of us, feel the loss. Employee stories are kind, thoughtful, and all too often funny. Our residents do make us laugh. I like that we can laugh at each other.

It’s important to commiserate, spending not so much time on the loss, but honoring their memory.

With that said, I honor all of our RPP residents because in many ways they are teaching me how to grow old. There is dignity in death, when we support dignity in life. Dignity in life is respect, autonomy, and empowerment. The moment we are born we begin to die. My best advice for living is to wake up everyday trying. Try to be the best you can be.

To a certain someone, you tried and succeeded. RIP – paerki

A timely repost given the circumstances…

October 30, 2022: I’ve been training my whole life for my current job at a senior community. I am three months in, working as a Programs and Special Events Coordinator. To some, the latter sounds exciting and fancy, and it is – up to a point. It takes a great deal of time, energy and patience. Add to that, creativity and imagination because the seniors I work with are highly educated, full of questions, and occasionally, are a bit short on patience. With the good comes the… I am guessing you thought I was going to say, bad, but there is nothing bad here, just more questions and less resident patience, but that’s okay because, like I said, I am up for the challenge.

Each day is different from the last, and just when I think I can’t be shocked or surprised any more, I am, but that makes the day more interesting, and dare I say – fun. 

I remember thinking my first day, how am I going to remember the names of all these residents. It didn’t take me long because I am good at memorizing personality traits - the talker, listener, loaner, stalker, forgetter, etc. – which helps me remember faces, and thus the names.

I can’t deny, I have my favorites, and on those days when everything goes smoothly, all are my favorites. Yes, my patience has been tested, more than a dozen times, but gestures, wisecracks, and sarcasm from the residents somehow makes me laugh, and it really does make me love and respect them even more.

I say love and respect because I value their lifetime of experience and wisdom, and by listening and learning from their shared good and bad times, perhaps it might make my journey a little less daunting. Here’s hoping!

I don’t mind my sharing here that I fear age and how it impacts our minds and bodies. There are so many stories I could share with you, of course not names, but stories from residents who feel comfortable talking to me about their life. Many consider me, I believe, a kindred spirit, and I am. They know I care, and want to listen. As I have said many times in my blog posts, we all just want to be heard, to be listened to and respected. If we did that more, the world would be a better place.

I sometimes call seniors the forgotten humans, because more often than not I witness too many being patronizing towards them, trying their best to get away because they find them a nuisance. That makes me step up to the plate even more, delivering an extra dose of kindness on behalf of those clueless wonders of the world. It’s to you I say, what goes around comes around.

I met a resident the other day who I had seen a handful of times, but she never came into my office to talk, but did last week. I am not sure if she suffered a stroke or has another neurological condition, but she came into speak to me because she heard nice things about me and wanted to learn more about my life , which of course warmed my heart. She wanted to introduce herself, and thank me for being here.

After the question and answer portion of our conversation she said, “I wasn’t always like this. I didn’t talk like this or walk like this. I am educated. I had a big job. And this happened. This is age, Paul.”

Needless to say, I was weeping inside. It took all the energy I had to not get out of my chair and hug her because she needed one. She needed a hug, but her condition and the possible pain she might be feeling didn’t allow it. However, I do believe our heartfelt conversation was a hug. She promised to visit me again, and I know she will. Continue Reading: Reflecting 2