Miss Mary and Friends

These days it appears time is passing by more quickly than I would like.

As a child, I remember a group of older ladies (all over the age of 70) who would get together a few times each week to sit outside and chat. There was one lady in particular, Miss Mary, who was the leader of the pack.

Miss Mary was an interesting woman because she was full of opinions, wisdom, kindness and advice. She loved her community. She kept an immaculate house and car and, by today’s standards, was a bit obsessive/compulsive, but in a good way (if there is such a thing).

You always knew when it was a night for stoop sitting because she would come out midday and clean her sidewalk, scrub her marble steps and place a few sun chairs around so that everyone would be comfortable (C'mon, you really didn’t expect everyone to fit on the steps… Did you?)

By 8 PM the ladies were out! Miss Mary served everyone a beverage (lemonade, tea or Coca-Cola) and passed around a few nibbles. Shortly after, the gabfest began. There was talk about the mundane, but I liked the opinions they shared about their neighbors. These ladies didn’t kiss and tell, and I was sworn to secrecy anyway.  There was nothing offensive shared because these gals were true ladies, respectful and polite, with a touch of cattiness.

I was a young boy then, I guess maybe 12 years old. To some it might appear strange I would always "hang out" with a group of elderly women, but this wasn't always the case. I would often walk right by this feisty bunch, on my way to the corner store and would just say hello. As time progressed, my vocabulary with these women grew, going from one word to multiple sentences and finally to stories of my own to share which, by the way, finally made me an honorary member of the group.

That was a special time for me. It was a mini introduction into adulthood. Make no mistake, I knew my place and they knew they were talking to a child, but somehow it all worked out. They felt young and I felt older, and somehow it just blossomed from there.

As time progressed I would be sitting less and less with my older friends, and hanging out with my "younger" ones, kids my own age.  At least once a week I would try to make time for my ladies, sitting with them a few hours to dish about the neighborhood. I would faithfully make time to run to the corner store to get them milk, bread, etc., and shovel the snow from their sidewalks in the winter. (I never expected payment for my services because my good deeds were done out of affection, but these ladies would not have any of that. As Miss Mary said, "You work, you get paid. Your willingness to be there for us is how you pay us back, Paul." This was, yet, another lesson I would learn from the wisest of the wise.)

I noticed the stories began to change. Many of these sweet old souls would eventually talk of frailty and illness: what the doctor found, a procedure that needed to be performed and, sadly the unfortunate... "My son/daughter wants me to move in with them because I’m too old to live alone." I thought, how sad to be forced to leave the homes and the stoops that brought such joy to them, and to me.

As years passed, one by one, my special friends passed away. Old age might have claimed them, but they left a legacy I look back on with great fondness and pride.

As for Miss Mary, the last time I remember seeing her I was 28 years old, and she was 98, and still living alone. She outlived her husband by 25 years. She outlived her children, too. Miss Mary was wise and taught me many things. She always said, "Time is of the essence, Paul, so make the most of it… Make it count!" She taught me the gift of gab, too (well, she and her friends). She said, "Have and share opinions, but be prepared for the feedback, and stand-up and defend your point, but know when to recede." She’s the one that taught me to always agree to disagree.

When I write, I conjure up Miss Mary from time to time, and my other old lady friends, too. I miss their sweet gentle spirit and laughter. I miss the conversations, but they are still here in my heart and soul, and there they will remain until my time is up. Until then, I will do as I always do, write, talk, chat, gab, text and now Twitter to get my point across. I’m not an in-your-face type of guy. More so than anything, I communicate to get people to think, express, react and share. We are nothing if we don’t have opinions, and as my friends have taught me, we must always agree to disagree if we want to remain friends after the fact.

This week for me is like no other. I am full of opinions, rants, thoughts and feelings, and I share them here on my blog. Read and respond as you will, and remember to incorporate yourself into the conversation because I care about what you think, regardless of your stance. Enjoy! – paerki