Listening Is An Act Of Kindness

This is the week!  Thursday is the day!  The research study I’ve been working on for two years comes to an end.  I am going to miss my people. My Low Vision patients have brought a tremendous amount of joy to my world. They are special to my heart, for many reasons.

I always make sure I have my listening ears on because two-thirds of the patients I see want to chat with me about… Well, anything and everything.  More often than not, they will talk about their sight challenges, wanting desperately to have what some call "normal" vision again.   (All of the patients I see are Low Vision with the majority being legally blind.)

It’s strange.  I don’t always think I have the best patience with family and friends (I guess I am patient enough), but when it comes to managing teams and definitely with patients, I have this ability to just stop what I am doing and take it all in.  (I don’t want to fool anyone into thinking I am just going to listen in silence because when you are through speaking, be prepared for my response, which, depending on what is said, might come without any sugar coating.  Beware!)

I am writing this because I just got off the phone with a patient.  With the ice and snow, and with mobility challenges, she was concerned about seeing me tomorrow.  She couldn’t get a ride and was frustrated because she didn’t want me thinking she didn’t want to follow through with the study.  I said to her, "No worries.  I will treat you like royalty. I am going to call you an Uber.  It will pick you up and take you back home after the appointment."  She said, "Why would you do that."  My reply, "Because I can.  Now say, thank you and tell me I am fabulous."  She said, "You are fabulous!"  Truth be told, I am not as fabulous as she. 

Two months ago, I called this patient to complete a telephone interview, which is part of the study.  When I spoke to her, she could hardly breathe.  I was concerned.  She said, "I am going to be intubated.  I have COVID.  I am scared, Paul.  Will you stay on the phone and talk with me a bit."  I did.  I gave her a dose of my kind of medicine, which is silliness and laughter.  It was that or I was going to cry (I did after the call).

I am happy she made it through, and I am excited to see her tomorrow.  Sadly, her sister and son didn’t.  They both died from COVID a month ago.  We talked about that, too.  She just wanted someone to listen.  She wanted to tell me how wonderful her family members were.

I had eight patients lose loved ones to COVID.  One of those patients lost three people – her Dad, favorite aunt and a best friend.  During one of her visits to the clinic I spent time listening to her grieve.  She wanted to tell anyone who was willing to listen, just how courageous these individuals were.  "Dying is terrifying, but they were brave, Paul." she said.  "My family is gone!  It’s just me," she lamented.

We live in an intense world, especially with politics becoming a mainstay in conversation.  Why are we so hardwired for negativity?  We are all feeling disconnected, even more so because of COVID.  We should be engaging each other in other ways, caring more for each other because I guarantee it’s going to improve our wellbeing.

My patients have done that for me.  Their stories, especially of perseverance, have motivated me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.  I want to be a better listener.  I want to offer encouragement.  I most definitely want to lift the spirits of my fellow travelers, hoping they would want to do that for me too, and they have!

I recently had written a blog post entitled, "Finding Peace".  I typically post my blogs on Facebook, too. Someone asked why I posted something so personal that probably should have been private.  Why?

My social media life is one big journal (diary).  My carefully constructed words are a barometer of sorts guiding my evolution. They pick up where family and friends leave off, emphasizing what I’ve done and what is left to do. They tell me what I need to let go of, what I must embrace, what I’m lacking, the fears I must erase, relationships I need to nurture and those I need to replace, but more importantly, the inspiration that brings me peace of mind and funnels into my creativity.

I wasn’t looking for comments to that post, but found the responses heartwarming.  A few of my friends sent me private messages because they had similar experiences with their family.  It’s a "Me Too" world and it’s nice not being the only one on the ledge, that someone can understand and provide solace.  Thank you, friends.

  

We are all special.  Every human being has the power to be kind.  I can’t say I am always kind. There are times when I don’t feel like being kind, but I know when I need to be because someone is counting on me.  I have my moments when stepping up to the plate is hard, but I do it and I hope you’ll do it too because people are counting on you, too. 

If we really want to make America great again, the world great again, let’s be nice to people.  A simple act of kindness can really make a big difference in someone’s life, and it begins with listening. – paerki