Tell Your Story
As a child we are taught in earnest motivation, to be resourceful, but above all else, to be thick skinned, because many can be cruel and downright evil, hell-bent on breaking a vulnerable spirit to deflect their own misery and misfortune.
I am no stranger to these baneful predators, spending a significant part of my early history (childhood to be exact) adapting to those around me who were less than kind, often in my face chanting words of indifference because I appeared to be just a bit different in expression and action, but nevertheless a normal well-adjusted child.
What I embraced I didn’t take personally (or so I thought), but was sad because at times it could be embarrassing for my REAL friends who felt the need to come to my defense (I loved them for that, and that is why they remain my friends today).
I understood who I was at a very young age (5 years old, to be exact), and knew what I was up against, especially growing up in the Fundamentalist faith. This prompted my self-awareness to kick-in, devising a plan of action to keep me safe until I was able to make it on my own. I learned early to retaliate against harsh judgments, fabrications and to deflect questions that were private in nature. (Deep down inside, I was eager to answer because I liked myself, and I was happy with me. I was special – no different from you, but just a bit more memorable.)
As I look back, much of what I endured cost me dearly. I lost my voice, and with that went my confidence and self-esteem. Over time my faith would be misplaced. Truth and honesty often eluded me. Manipulation became a badge of courage and a tool for survival. All speak to a battered, broken life force, which on the inside was dying, but on the outside displayed what you (the world) wanted to see – happiness.
I consider the early part of my life to be boot camp, preparation for the real journey. All that I was and all that I am today have blended into one unique, exceptional man who can say without hesitation, I survived and you can, too.
There are no more lies or reasons to manipulate. My faith in the world as a whole and my belief that there is something greater than myself (not the God that so many have beguiled) makes me see the goodness, not just in myself, but in so many other beautiful faces. My confidence grows by leaps and bounds with each passing day, and my self-esteem – high, higher, highest. But more than anything I am proud of most of the choices I’ve made and the one I never made – being a gay man. This is who I am. I am not an abomination, toxic, disgusting or less than you. I am your equal and just as worthy, if not more. (I interject "more" because of the added layer of displeasure I must embrace from those select characters who have an allegiance to empty-headedness and shallow stupidity.)
What prompted the above was the climate of hate that continues to grow because of careless abandonment of thought. Layer upon layer, what is not so complex to understand, but engineered by manipulating forces, ambitious thugs perpetuating their voice into the mainstream for political gain. Religious zealots are prostituting it as a means of oppression. Sadly, we have exploited ancient writings to assert our control, spawning too many lethal leaders and fearful idealistic followers, which is more than egregious.
These days I’ve grown tired of the raucous rhetoric, but never the fight, especially when it incorporates First Amendment rights. The hater and lover must live together, and both have every right to spread their message, regardless of how convoluted and inappropriate one may be.
In the face of adversity, we must hold our head even higher proclaiming our pride, dignity and respect for all life. Allow the naysayers to chant and shout their words of disapproval and disdain because it just makes me want to be a better person.
I prefer to see the faces of hate to know what I’m up against. So thank you, to the many repugnant haters of the world because it’s with your displeasure and vile behavior I become stronger. Your ugly makes me look even more beautiful.
I believe it’s important, now more than ever, for us to be realistic about our battles, choosing wisely. We’ve become too reactionary in our rebuttal too, leaving many to wonder if there is cohesion among the masses? Look no further than the tea party as the prime example. Their mission statement becomes muddier by the day, but I digress. We must find our way to the middle. This is a mandate for all Americans if we want to thrive and be respected in the world.
With all that I’ve said, I speak from passion and from my history of dealing with those who are only happy when they’re bullying others, stealing your power to feed their ambitious, righteous egos. All only offer a false sense of security and we buy it – each and every time. You bought Bachmann and Palin! Why are we choosing celebrity to real leadership, and beauty over brains?
We need to look inward for our salvation, without deliberating fear. The way to transcend our self-loathing ways is by developing thicker skin. Battles are won with less drama, even vibrato and without every ounce of your body oozing sensitivity. Be strong. We all have the power to make the next day better, and it begins when we take steps to empower ourselves. It’s time we shed our shame, heal our ignorance and embrace diversity. Without the latter we are nothing, remaining hopeless and vulnerable. – paerki
("Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself." – Harvey Fierstein)
