Let Go
Moving forward, it pays to look back, retracing steps to see where we are on our path in life. If you are a list person like me, it’s important to review goals, as well as the extreme high and low points of the journey, making comparisons to see how you can better increase your successes, while decreasing the failures. There’s no way to alleviate those burdensome tests of our resolve, as some would like, but why would you because that’s what makes us grow stronger and wiser.
In just a matter of days we will usher in a new year. Can you believe it… 2012! As always, year after year I ask myself the same old question – Where did the time go? I wasn’t always sure, but I can’t say that anymore because I know exactly what was going on with great precision thanks to my online journal.
Now the question becomes – Did I make the most of it? Time is relative and can often seem like an illusion. I was once obsessed with each second, minute, hour, day, etc., putting much effort into making the most of each interval. I was an extremist (a Time Nazi), concerned I was doing too little or not enough, with what I feel is so precious – time.
Much has changed since those days. I’ve stopped chasing time, but instead have chosen to live for the quality of a moment, standing still long enough to embrace what I feel is important for my health, heart and soul, seeking those things that will grow, sustain and navigate my future with better care. I am well on my way because I’ve elected to choose contentment over happiness because the latter is so overrated.
I measure time by the change of season, thankful for all and honoring each as a valued gift from Mother Earth because they are, and so many are just too blind, brainwashed or stupid to see. If this is you, I say look beyond the immediate if you want to be whole. Seek out nature if you want to be healed, for this will put you on the right track.
One Last Walk was my final post for 2010. I was curious to go back and reread my thoughts prior to 2011 to see how they contrast to my views during the past year. I am happy to confirm what I’ve suspected all along, that I’m on the right course to self-fulfillment.
I’ve been veering off the path my entire life (as most do), and although the detours have often roused my curiosity and were peppered with interesting shenanigans (and yes, I willfully participated), I still never felt completely pleased, thus my time off work not being in vain. The past few years have been a productive adventure of exploration (one I needed), an investment into self and my future. Now is the time to get back to the business of work, and I am hopeful 2012 will embrace me in the best way possible (now let’s see if the economy will do its part).
So, now I look at the first post I wrote at the beginning of 2011, And We Begin Again, and the one thing that stands out is "waiting for a new chapter to begin". What I know now, but didn’t know then was the day I wrote those words was the day the next chapter began. I thought there would be a sign, and there was, I just forgot to read between the lines.
As I search the past year in earnest, I can say unequivocally... It was a fantastic year! From the people I met and the conversations that ensued, to the local adventures and new discoveries in familiar places... It was awesome!
If I had to choose my favorite and most memorable it was finding a field of sunflowers. My soul was craving the sight of these illustrious yellow gods at the beginning of spring and into the summer because they make my heart smile and I watch how they make others beam beautifully with expression. I finally found what I was looking for at the end of summer/beginning of fall. Looking back, I realize these sunflowers were a metaphor for living. They were a field of hope, speaking of patience and believing.
As I look back I think about heartache, loss and one fragmented friendship, each requiring a bit introspection because all become teaching moments if you look for lessons learned, and I always do. I’m aware like I’ve never been before, and these days I always yield, searching for what will grow my spirit.
On a more personal note: Mohandas Gandhi said, "We must become the change we want to see in the world." To a dear friend, take off your costume because you’re not a wolf, but a sheep. If you continue to act/play like one, all hope is loss, and we are running out of time… My dearest Jeffrey, you are missed. Your friends failed you in your time of need, but you don’t die in vain. We learn from your fatal error and remember you for your beauty… And lastly, expectations out of loneliness are a recipe for disaster. The more we expect from others, the more we are opening ourselves to greater disappointment. Friendships are beautiful, but they must be allowed to breathe. There were no rules, so how can you say you didn’t know? I never stopped being your friend, thus no olive branch. You’re the one that said, "I can’t see you right now." I listened. Did you?
The New Year is just around the corner… Close your eyes. Clear your heart. Let go! – paerki
