Introspection

I want to remember this time in my life most of all. I want to cherish my wit, maturity, but more than anything I want to remember this body and mind before it changes. I want to look back and appreciate this man with all his flaws and imperfections. If I can see him now for what he is – just a man, I’m certain to embrace him when he’s old and gray.  Happy Birthday, Self!

I offer you a few birthday musings, expressions from my heart. – paerki

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Every year that passes is a success.  I’ve survived!  By no means has this journey been easy.  There does come a time when you cross that line where everything begins to make more sense.  There really is something to be said about age, and wisdom.

This is not a time to look at what I didn’t accomplish, but where I am going.  I’m looking at who I am, what I did, who I saw, what I said and how I’ve changed because concentrating on these areas is going to make me an even better person.

Birthdays are literally a celebration of life, and that’s the story I try to tell through my words and photography.  I hope my message is clear.  Regardless of the ups and downs, my life is beautiful.  It’s been enriched by places traveled, conversations, etc.  Nothing has fortified it more or made it sweeter than the company I keep.  I have the best friends.

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Time is flying by more quickly than I would like.  As I gain age, I realize just how important it is for me to appreciate every second of every minute, every hour of every day.  Be assured, I do my best! 

I often ask friends, if you could do it all again, would you, traveling back in time to relive your childhood?  As much as I ask this of others, I’ve never answered the question for myself, and as I was hiking this morning I thought about it – long and hard, and the answer was easy… Yes!  (Most people would only do it if they could retain the knowledge they now possess.  Otherwise, many feel it would be a disappointment.)

Regardless of the heartache and pain, moments of fear, desperation and isolation, often praying to God for answers – I look back and realize all those unfortunate moments have helped mold and shape my views of the world.  They’ve helped me persevere.  Without them I might not have met those individuals who would inspire me, giving me my wings to fly.

I always thought I was weak, but now realize just how strong I was because somewhere deep inside of me, I knew things would get better.  As a young gay man, there was so much uncertainty, especially growing up in a fundamentalist household.

I would like to know what it was, that one message I heard that helped me believe I would make it through because I want to share it with every young person who feels awkward, insecure, frustrated, helpless and alone – so that they know too, they have the power within them to succeed because it does get better.  (I do know the message is not one size fits all, and that’s why young people fall through the cracks.)

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I’m not a fan of age, as if anyone is. What helps minimize its ravaging effects is the wisdom it brings, but one must be open to receiving this most precious gift, applying it to all parts of life, especially as it pertains to our pursuit of happiness and love.

It will service us all well, in the long run, to yield because only then can we make better choices, which will not only benefit you but the world at large, and the world needs that form of healing, now more than ever.